Are you your best friend?

Is it possible to find the time to become our own best friend and help support our own personal resilience? Paul MacCormack aka ‘The Mindful Super’ reflects.

We live in a world that celebrates trustworthiness, loyalty, reliability and the bonds we form with others. As we climb the ranks of management, we are encouraged to be supportive, dependable and compassionate with all those around us including our team members. But what about the relationship we have with ourselves?

I recently caught up with Paul MacCormack aka ‘The Mindful Super’, a Canadian superintendent who has been practising (and sharing) his knowledge and experiences of reflectiveness which have helped him navigate through the sometimes stressful world of sports turf management.

“Self-awareness is the foundation of growth,” explains Paul. “When we understand our motivations, strengths and weaknesses, we can make better choices and navigate life more effectively. As leaders, this not only helps build stronger teams, but we need to accept it helps build a better us!”

Friends offer compassion, empathy and kindness when we stumble. Can we extend the same compassion to ourselves? Self-compassion involves treating our own struggles with the same gentleness we’d offer a dear friend. Instead of berating ourselves for mistakes, we can acknowledge them, learn and move forward.

Inner critic vs cheerleader

Sometimes, we’re our harshest critics. The inner monologue can resemble a stern teacher grading our every move. Cultivating self-compassion involves silencing the critic and allowing the inner cheerleader to shine.

Self-talk matters, but how should we speak to ourselves? Paul’s rationale, “Imagine your inner dialogue as a conversation with a close friend. Would you berate them for every mistake they make or encourage them to learn and grow? When faced with challenges, ask: ‘What would I say to a friend in this situation?’ Then offer those same compassionate words to yourself.”

We all have an inner critic; that voice that points out every flaw and mistake we make and magnifies failures tenfold.

The challenge is to counteract it by replacing those negative thoughts into something more constructive. Ask yourself, “Are my thoughts based on facts or assumptions?” Usually, they are not born through truth, so the best way to change your unkind thought pattern is to replace them with a more positive affirmation. Using positive statements to reinforce self-belief is one of the first steps to improving your friendship with yourself. For example, use phrases such as:

• “I am capable”
• “I learn from setbacks”
• “I deserve happiness”
• “I did the right thing”

It’s not selfish, it’s essential

“The ability to create self-care rituals and discover what rejuvenates you is key to improving your personal resilience,” Paul went on. ”Whether it’s reading, taking walks on the beach or the woods, painting, or allocating quality time for any activity that nourishes your soul is crucial for well-being.”

Cultivating awareness of your thoughts is powerful. Picturing negativity as a mental traffic light can be very useful. When you spot a critical thought (a red light), hit the brakes! Pause (amber light) and redirect your thoughts by changing lanes and adopting new positive actions and direction (green light). Instead of dwelling on the mistake, steer toward a positive thought by reframing it with a more positive outcome.

Imagine your inner critic as a grumpy editor. It circles your writing and slashes red ink everywhere! By rewriting the script, you can:

• Accept mistakes (because we’re all human)
• Applaud yourself for spotting it
• Acknowledge the frustration (emotions are allowed)
• Ask: “Can I fix it?” If yes, go ahead and edit. If not, shrug, accept, learn and move on!

Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s your secret weapon!

Paul concluded, “Remember, we all have an inner critic, it’s part of being human. But here’s the twist, instead of trying to evict it (which rarely works), let’s acknowledge its presence. The trick is to balance it with your inner cheerleader, the one who high-fives you for even the smallest of victories and tells you, ‘You’re doing great!!’”

Thanks Paul, for the valuable insight! Self-care is something I think we should all practice and hope we all begin to appreciate the importance of being our own best friend in the future!